Sounding Bored: August 2017

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Billie Holiday - Blue Moon (1952)

Blue moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own

Blue moon
You knew just what I was there for
You heard me saying a prayer for
Someone I really could care for

And then there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will hold
I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked to the moon it turned to gold

Blue moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own

And then there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will ever hold
I heard somebody whisper please adore me
And when I looked the moon had turned to gold

Blue moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own

Blue moon
Now I'm no longer alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Catching Up

It has been quite some time since I last posted rather than sharing a repost. Life has been such that the energy needed to even think has been at a low level. Between multiple surgeries and chemo treatments is has been a struggle. Tonight I was looking around my home and was dismayed to see so much to the areas that lacked attention simply because the energy was not there to take care of a given task. Even with the best of intentions daily activities like going to work (I am lucky to have a work from home job), household chores, and even social activities seem to be beyond my capabilities. At the moment I have been given a break from treatments with the somewhat ironic, "your body needs to get some R&R in order to prepare for the next phase of treatment." To simply look at me, most people would not see the struggle. Yes, the hair is much thinner. I have bruises over the body and my balance is almost non-existent. I hide behind a smile and a few jokes not wanting others to know how tired and afraid that I am at times. The days and weeks since first diagnosed have really been like the emotional roller coaster that I was warned about with days of highs and days of extreme lows. Emotions like sadness, anxiety, loneliness, fear, anger, frustration, guilt, feelings of being out of control of your life, not wanting to plan for things in the future, have all been felt during the ride. At one point there was the "I think I got this" moment which was dashed a few weeks later when scans showed the nasty rebel cells were still advancing. That was a low point on that roller coaster but I have been lucky with a great medical team, and a fantastic support network.