So Long 2018, Hello 2019

2018 gave me many challenges. I can, however, look back on 2018 and find that there was much that I had overcome. Resolution are difficult, if not impossible, to keep since we tend to set them as such large ambiguous challenges.Rather than making resolutions I simply set goals for change, nothing big, just simple things that I can accomplish and build upon and then at the end of the year I can look back upon these with a sense of pride rather than feeling like I failed to keep a resolution.

The Coventry Carol

The Coventry Carol

Playlist ❤︎ In Loving Memory of Jonghyun

Remembering

"Life is a continuation of meetings&farewells. Because of that, I believe that we grow. Immediately, you will regret it, you will feel sad and you will cry but, We will meet again." JongHyun April 8, 1990 – December 18, 2017

Medical Cost!

It is nearing the end of the year and I reviewed my cost of living, not the COL that the government states but how much it has cost me to stay alive this year. It averaged out to about $315 per day for the medical cost. I average earnings of about $65 per day!

Feeling a Bit Like Scrooge & Grinch

I am the kind of person who wants the spirit of Christmas to last all year long. The joy of taking part in all the seasonal traditions has been something I have looked forward to each year. This year, however, I have not even placed one Christmas decoration. I have not baked any treats. I have not mailed any greeting cards. Why? Each day I tell myself that today will be the day that I get into the holiday spirit but then I wake up and the reality of the current health issues remind me that I have to take small steps and only do the necessary task. Alas holiday festivities are not on the short list. Depression, something that is common around the holidays, hits and even the sound of holiday music does nothing to break me free from this feeling. I am so tired of putting up the brave, smiling front since every time that I am ready to be happy the other C in my life grabs the attention. Give me a few days and I will get over it.. I always do.

진호(JINHO) - MAGAZINE HO #23 'Bohemian Rhapsody / Queen'

The Monster Under The Bed

People have called me brave and strong but the truth is I am a coward. I live every day/night as if the monster will get me. It has already taken my uterus and ovaries, my spleen, a section of my liver (at least that organ fights back), two sections of my spine (one replaced with synthetic and the other by donor), and most recently it has set its sight on lungs. So I am not brave or strong but I am stubborn.

Michelle Obama says her brother is still their mother's favorite

ONEW 온유 'Blue' MV

GOT7 "Miracle" M/V

MONSTA X ft. Gallant – Beautiful (Acoustic Duet Ver.) 4K | Official MV

Kim Feel - Like Being Shot

All I can say about this one is wow!

GQ Lee Dong Wook

One of my favorite Korean actors.

Update

Wow, it looks like forever since I posted on here and a lot has happened. The #1, being that I finished a course of chemo and have been given a few weeks off. The cancer is still showing its ugly self in scans and biopsy but for now seems to sluggish so we are in control.

I am tired and have a lot of pain but so far all is bearable.On the positive side, I have lost weight, and for me that was something I had been trying to do for years! Hair loss this time around was not as bad and the new hair growth seems to be coming in as white which I like.

I am still working and my employer has been very accommodating with my frequent time off request for treatment. I work from home and that makes things much easier.

The medical bills continue to grow at staggering rate but I am keeping up with quarterly payment and with a lot of help from the Gofundme that was set up by friends. Bless them.

LEE HONG GI（from FTISLAND）

Xia/Junsu!!!!!

BoA 보아 'Woman' MV

Help From Friends

During my long battle with cancer, I have received both emotional and financial support from family and friends. I am staggered, however, when financial aid is received from someone (individual or corporation) at times as anonymous funding. This past month there were two such payment and granted I know someone who works at each of the companies, it is still heartwarming to receive this kind of support. It helps to be able to go in for treatment without the added worry of the increasing debt. There is still a long way to go with the treatment (new surgery being discussed).

https://www.gofundme.com/Jackiocancerfund&rcid=r01-153911549988-5b2d22efafe9433e&pc=ot_co_campmgmt_w