As a child I often thought that I had been placed into the wrong family. I did not belong. I was the ugly duckling among three pretty sisters and two handsome brothers. The only one that I felt a connection with was my father and even with him I feared showing too much affections as I might find that it was not returned. Don't get me wrong, there were good times but I always had the feeling of standing on the edge of the family circle.
In school,with each new year I found myself encountering teachers who expected me to be just like the sibling that had preceded me in their class...but I was the shy one. I did well scholastically but again never felt that I had lived up to expectations.My circle of close friends was small but I was able to move easily from one group to the next, I expect mostly due to my strong desire to find out just who I was. I feared getting really close to any of them as the truth that I did not belong might be discovered. Even my graduation seemed to lack any sense of achievement so when presented with the opportunity to leave the family I grabbed it.
It was then that I allowed the "me" that I wanted to be to emerge and it was liberating. I was meeting people who had no preconceived expectations. I discovered my own style, my own taste in music, books, art, etc. By learning to love myself I learned to love my family and to accept the part that I had played in creating my isolation. And while there have been ups and downs in my life I am pleased with the me that I have become, not a swan but no longer the ugly duckling either.
No comments:
Post a Comment