I think I need to do something to take my mind off of things and just relax.
Sounding Bored ...A series of rambling thoughts...
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Depression
Feeling down in the dumps tonight...could not keep my mind on any one activity. No appetite and for me that is definitely not normal. I slept late and it was not a good sleep as once again I had strange dreams.... tried to read some of my new books and ended up with a crying jag.,,and not just the silent tears but a full scale, sobbing, runny nose, jag!
I think I need to do something to take my mind off of things and just relax.
I think I need to do something to take my mind off of things and just relax.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
New Date for Surgery
After some negotiations with the lead surgeon, my surgery is back on the schedule with a new date of March 12. I still have to have an Echo and Holter but we eliminated three other procedures!
There was also more blood work done and by now my veins want to avoid the needle as with each draw they seem to be harder to find. I think that I will start carrying a permanent marker with me and mark the most likely spots! Lab results from the most recent testings were all within the normal range which is a good sign. The body is preparing for the fight!
Another positive was the loss of another eight pounds and both surgeon and I are delighted with that news.
There was also more blood work done and by now my veins want to avoid the needle as with each draw they seem to be harder to find. I think that I will start carrying a permanent marker with me and mark the most likely spots! Lab results from the most recent testings were all within the normal range which is a good sign. The body is preparing for the fight!
Another positive was the loss of another eight pounds and both surgeon and I are delighted with that news.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
God's delays Not God's denials.
Tonight I had expected to be in the hospital, recovering from surgery. Instead I am at home and I am not sure if I am more thankful or frustrated about the delay.
My strength has returned from the first surgery so that is a plus. I have lost weight, again a plus. I am told that endometrial cancer is a slow growing cancer so the delay should not cause any increase in risk. The 1-year survival rate is about 92%.The 5-year survival rate for endometrial cancer that has not spread is 95%.
The downsides of the waiting are the worry factor when given more time to think about all the "what ifs" and the re-occurrence of the initial symptoms,(bleeding & abdominal pain) and I have started seeing these once more. Mood swings...luckily I am alone most of the time so others do not have to endure these with me. Bad dreams have become the nightly expectation.
On Wednesday I see the lead surgeon to go over all the test results and get the surgery back on schedule.
My strength has returned from the first surgery so that is a plus. I have lost weight, again a plus. I am told that endometrial cancer is a slow growing cancer so the delay should not cause any increase in risk. The 1-year survival rate is about 92%.The 5-year survival rate for endometrial cancer that has not spread is 95%.
The downsides of the waiting are the worry factor when given more time to think about all the "what ifs" and the re-occurrence of the initial symptoms,(bleeding & abdominal pain) and I have started seeing these once more. Mood swings...luckily I am alone most of the time so others do not have to endure these with me. Bad dreams have become the nightly expectation.
On Wednesday I see the lead surgeon to go over all the test results and get the surgery back on schedule.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Dreams
Lately I have been having a series of strange dreams..or at least the parts that I can remember are strange. They have no apparent connection to my real world and I wake with a start from them.
Dream #1 had me riding in a car, going at a high speed when suddenly the car plunges over a cliff and I am thrown from the vehicle and I awaken as I am airborne.
Dream #2 in this dream I am riding in a horse-drawn carriage that tips as it goes around a curve and I awaken just as the carriage is rolling.
Dream #3 I am walking along a wooded path when suddenly the wind picks up and then there is a loud roll of thunder and lightening flashes quite near. I wake up just as it strikes near me.
The one theme that all have in common seems to be a sense of danger so I suppose this might have something to do with anxiety over the approaching surgery.
The endless testing prior to surgery and the delays I am sure have increased that anxiety. When your doctor starts showing some concerns it is only natural to mirror some of that even if it is only while sleeping.
Dream #1 had me riding in a car, going at a high speed when suddenly the car plunges over a cliff and I am thrown from the vehicle and I awaken as I am airborne.
Dream #2 in this dream I am riding in a horse-drawn carriage that tips as it goes around a curve and I awaken just as the carriage is rolling.
Dream #3 I am walking along a wooded path when suddenly the wind picks up and then there is a loud roll of thunder and lightening flashes quite near. I wake up just as it strikes near me.
The one theme that all have in common seems to be a sense of danger so I suppose this might have something to do with anxiety over the approaching surgery.
The endless testing prior to surgery and the delays I am sure have increased that anxiety. When your doctor starts showing some concerns it is only natural to mirror some of that even if it is only while sleeping.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Test and More Test
Yesterday was a day of test and still more test at UW Hospital. My arm is black and blue from all of the poking done in the hematology department. I did a stress test in cardiology and I know I flunked that one as I barely made five minutes on the treadmill before they stopped the test. I am sure that lack of sleep the night before had something to do with that and it will be repeated prior to surgery. There was another pelvic exam..oh so much fun! Dr K explained to me that because I have a "tipped" uterus that will make the procedure a little trickier but still well within his comfort zone.
Seeing the image of what is meant by "tipped" helps me understand why all of my pregnancies resulted in back labor.
Next week I will be having an MRI and more blood work done. The $ meter keeps right on ticking away with the "not covered" just over $8000 plus whatever will not be covered from the most recent testing.
Monday, February 6, 2012
A Letter To Mother Nature
Dear Mother Nature,
I appreciate the fact that you allowed me to have so many years free of all the "bad stuff" that you are prone to throw at the human female. While I was unhappy with the latest of "blooming", I was somewhat prideful in that I did not have the complaints that other women had regarding your gifts. To me PMS only stood for Positive Mental State and I enjoyed being female and all that came with it.
BUT it now appears that you had simply overlooked me and have now sought to correct that oversight. I do not need headaches, bloating or cramps..NOT now so unless you want an all out war BACK OFF!
Your Loving Earth Daughter
I appreciate the fact that you allowed me to have so many years free of all the "bad stuff" that you are prone to throw at the human female. While I was unhappy with the latest of "blooming", I was somewhat prideful in that I did not have the complaints that other women had regarding your gifts. To me PMS only stood for Positive Mental State and I enjoyed being female and all that came with it.
BUT it now appears that you had simply overlooked me and have now sought to correct that oversight. I do not need headaches, bloating or cramps..NOT now so unless you want an all out war BACK OFF!
Your Loving Earth Daughter
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