Longer Presidential Term

Every election year when the incumbant is eligible for re-election, no matter who the President is, I always feel, to some degree, like 4 years is not enough time to figure out if the guy did his job or not. Whenever we get a new President, it seems like the first year or so is all about turning the government in a different direction, so not a whole lot really gets accomplished. Then you've got maybe a year to 18 months where you can see a new direction defined and starting to come together (whether you like it or not). Then, during the last 18 months to two years, so much time and energy is directed at campaigning for re-election. I'd like to know what you think about a six year Presidential term, retaining the "two consecutive terms in office" maximum. Via a friend who is currently living in Korea, I learned that the "legal" time in which a candidate for office can campaign is limited to 23 days in Korea. They feel that is time enough for a candidate to let the voters know enough about him to make a choice. Wow..think about it...less than a month of political ads..wouldn't that be great! And with all the communications means that are now at their disposal, I think it would be adequate time here in the USA.

Just to update since last posting: diagnosis for the swelling was correct as lymphedema and massage therapy (big smile) has been added to my weekly treatments. The massage therapist noted that I seemed to have a lot of extremely tender areas and after discussing this with Dr K, it was decided that I should have an MRI, which was done last week. The good part of that plan was the week free of treatments but if any of you have had an MRI performed you know that while it is not a painful procedure, it is an uncomfortable procedure. Imagine being inside a coffin-like machine with very little room, instructed not to move for about 45 minutes. During this time there is no sound except the occasional noise at the machines goes about its task. Time seemed to slow down and that 45 minutes was forever! I will get the results later this week when I go for my next treatment.

To Daddy

To Daddy

In Memory of my Mother

Since I last posted things have continued as expected but with one new complication that may or may not be related to my treatments. My right leg has become swollen to almost three times normal size. I made a visit to ER, now wearing TED stocking and I have an appointment on Wednesday for a lymphangiogram. There is a possibility that I have something called lymphedema, which occurs after the type of surgery that I had and after radiation treatments. A blue dye will be injected via the webbing between my toes and then after about 15 minutes or so the dye will reveal the lymph channels at which time incisions will be made and a tube will be inserted and another dye will flow up the body. An xray (fluroscope) is then done. This will make for an interesting week as the blue dye last for awhile with skin and vision affected! A Smurf!

Six more weeks to go and then I get a break..well, at least from the active treatment portion. I will have a couple of scans and lymph node biopsies to determine where I stand and what will be the next course of action. Surprisingly, I am feeling a lot better than feared. Tired, yes! Loss of appetite, yes! Hair loss, minimal! Weight loss, YES! Still anemic and potassium level has dropped again, plus I have developed some infections but I can deal with it.

It has been a month since my surgery. The incisions are finally healing but other post surgical issues remain. Constipation. little appetite,and fatigue are the most troublesome. On the good news side, when I went in for my check-up I had lost another ten pounds, maybe not the most desired way to lose the weight but Jenny Craig watch out! I was told that the fatigue could last up to nine months post surgery and even longer depending on how I respond to the chemotherapy. Oh, right, I forgot to mention that little detail. The secondary pathology report showed that a few of the little buggers had tried to make an escape and there were some precancerous cells present in several of the lymph nodes and the cervix. Based on my history the team recommended that I undergo further treatment and I have my first session tomorrow.

The Ugly Duckling

As a child I often thought that I had been placed into the wrong family. I did not belong. I was the ugly duckling among three pretty sisters and two handsome brothers. The only one that I felt a connection with was my father and even with him I feared showing too much affections as I might find that it was not returned. Don't get me wrong, there were good times but I always had the feeling of standing on the edge of the family circle.

In school,with each new year I found myself encountering teachers who expected me to be just like the sibling that had preceded me in their class...but I was the shy one. I did well scholastically but again never felt that I had lived up to expectations.My circle of close friends was small but I was able to move easily from one group to the next, I expect mostly due to my strong desire to find out just who I was. I feared getting really close to any of them as the truth that I did not belong might be discovered. Even my graduation seemed to lack any sense of achievement so when presented with the opportunity to leave the family I grabbed it.

It was then that I allowed the "me" that I wanted to be to emerge and it was liberating. I was meeting people who had no preconceived expectations. I discovered my own style, my own taste in music, books, art, etc. By learning to love myself I learned to love my family and to accept the part that I had played in creating my isolation. And while there have been ups and downs in my life I am pleased with the me that I have become, not a swan but no longer the ugly duckling either.

Surgery Outcome

Surgery Day One: Everything was moving right on target.I was at the hospital and ready by 5:00 AM. I was the first patient for the team and was soon getting weighed, last minute labs done, gowned and ready to go to pre-opt by 5:30 AM and then there was a delay as the anesthesiologist called for someone to cut off my ring. This took a few minutes but the first anesthesia was started at 7:10AM and the next thing that I was aware of was waking in the recovery room around 2:30PM. The surgery had taken longer than expected due to more bleeding than anticipated, but as DR K said, “we did expect more than usual with you.” There was also a brief episode of tachycardia but overall things went well. I was moved to the post-surgical ward and even enjoyed a visit with my family.

During the evening my kidneys were not functioning up to par and I was retaining fluid, getting more and more bloated as the day progressed.Lasix was added to the meds in my IV. Early Tuesday morning we started to get some results but not enough that DR K wanted to let me go home as had been the original plan. My abdomen looked like something between a ripe plum and a prune with six puckered incisions with the largest one spreading its coloration even across my back, this was the major work site. Pain meds were administered frequently but not upon demand so I learned to deal with an increase in pain about every two hours which soon became my new sleep pattern.

Late Tuesday night I started to run a fever and lungs were filling with fluid so once again new medications were added to the IV cocktail. The team came in frequently to help me cough, pillow across abdomen and sucking on little device until it brought on deep coughing and this seemed to be under control by Wednesday afternoon.

A new issue was discovered and that was a low(negative) potassium level so after consultation among the team it was decided to give me potassium via the IV. Now I was told that there would be some burning, I had experienced this with some other injections, but if any of you have had this treatment you know that it is not quite the same. The burning sensation started with the first point of entry and just grew stronger as it flowed through my system. I wanted nothing more than to rip the IV out. The nurses were there, placing hot packs all over my body as I gritted my teeth and cried. I watched as the bag emptied but any elation was quickly dampened when the Resident said that there were “only” three more bags to go. I was spared when after bag #3 DR K told them to start me on oral potassium and I got to swallow large pills and eat bananas for the rest of the night.

Things looked good for a late Thursday discharge. Around 6PM I got the okay (a little white lie that said I had someone waiting at home to help me) and eagerly prepared for my trip home with members of the team scheduled to do follow-up with me on Friday. I headed down to Admissions to retrieve my ring from the safe but while waiting for the clerk to return I remember hearing someone say to my escort, “she doesn’t look too good.” and afterwards seeing members of the medical response team bending over me. I was taken to ER where it seemed that my fever had returned and there was concern about fluid again. So it was back on IV, some more lab work, x-rays and finally at around 4AM I was given the okay to continue my discharge with strict instructions to follow.

Once at home all I wanted to do was sleep and I have been doing that for most of the week. While others were out enjoying the beautiful weather I was curled on the couch, wrapped in fleece and alternating between being hot and shivering. Tonight has been the first time that I have felt good enough to sit up for any length of time. Bruises are fading; some feeling is coming back into the poor IV arm so things are looking good.

Dr K called Friday night to tell me that the biopsy report was back. The tumor measured a little over 5 CM and had grown faster than expected. It had gone through the uterine wall but the lymph node biopsies did not show any signs of malignancy but we await the secondary report. Unless there are complications, my next visit is set for April 11 at which time my case will have been reviewed and the next step selected. In the meantime I just need to concentrate once more on getting back into shape.

Preliminary results from cardiology:

Preliminary results from cardiology: mitral valve prolapse with regurgitation (sounds like an old fart diagnosis) with possible arthymia...no biggie but because I have a history of endocarditis I will start on some antibiotic prior to the surgery.

Depression

Feeling down in the dumps tonight...could not keep my mind on any one activity. No appetite and for me that is definitely not normal. I slept late and it was not a good sleep as once again I had strange dreams.... tried to read some of my new books and ended up with a crying jag.,,and not just the silent tears but a full scale, sobbing, runny nose, jag!

I think I need to do something to take my mind off of things and just relax.

New Date for Surgery

After some negotiations with the lead surgeon, my surgery is back on the schedule with a new date of March 12. I still have to have an Echo and Holter but we eliminated three other procedures!

There was also more blood work done and by now my veins want to avoid the needle as with each draw they seem to be harder to find. I think that I will start carrying a permanent marker with me and mark the most likely spots! Lab results from the most recent testings were all within the normal range which is a good sign. The body is preparing for the fight!

Another positive was the loss of another eight pounds and both surgeon and I are delighted with that news.

Baby It's Cold Outside

God's delays Not God's denials.

Tonight I had expected to be in the hospital, recovering from surgery. Instead I am at home and I am not sure if I am more thankful or frustrated about the delay.

My strength has returned from the first surgery so that is a plus. I have lost weight, again a plus. I am told that endometrial cancer is a slow growing cancer so the delay should not cause any increase in risk. The 1-year survival rate is about 92%.The 5-year survival rate for endometrial cancer that has not spread is 95%.

The downsides of the waiting are the worry factor when given more time to think about all the "what ifs" and the re-occurrence of the initial symptoms,(bleeding & abdominal pain) and I have started seeing these once more. Mood swings...luckily I am alone most of the time so others do not have to endure these with me. Bad dreams have become the nightly expectation.

On Wednesday I see the lead surgeon to go over all the test results and get the surgery back on schedule.

Dreams

Lately I have been having a series of strange dreams..or at least the parts that I can remember are strange. They have no apparent connection to my real world and I wake with a start from them.

Dream #1 had me riding in a car, going at a high speed when suddenly the car plunges over a cliff and I am thrown from the vehicle and I awaken as I am airborne.

Dream #2 in this dream I am riding in a horse-drawn carriage that tips as it goes around a curve and I awaken just as the carriage is rolling.

Dream #3 I am walking along a wooded path when suddenly the wind picks up and then there is a loud roll of thunder and lightening flashes quite near. I wake up just as it strikes near me.

The one theme that all have in common seems to be a sense of danger so I suppose this might have something to do with anxiety over the approaching surgery.

The endless testing prior to surgery and the delays I am sure have increased that anxiety. When your doctor starts showing some concerns it is only natural to mirror some of that even if it is only while sleeping.

Test and More Test

Yesterday was a day of test and still more test at UW Hospital. My arm is black and blue from all of the poking done in the hematology department. I did a stress test in cardiology and I know I flunked that one as I barely made five minutes on the treadmill before they stopped the test. I am sure that lack of sleep the night before had something to do with that and it will be repeated prior to surgery. There was another pelvic exam..oh so much fun! Dr K explained to me that because I have a "tipped" uterus that will make the procedure a little trickier but still well within his comfort zone.

Seeing the image of what is meant by "tipped" helps me understand why all of my pregnancies resulted in back labor.


Next week I will be having an MRI and more blood work done. The $ meter keeps right on ticking away with the "not covered" just over $8000 plus whatever will not be covered from the most recent testing.

A Letter To Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I appreciate the fact that you allowed me to have so many years free of all the "bad stuff" that you are prone to throw at the human female. While I was unhappy with the late "blooming", I was somewhat prideful in that I did not have the complaints that other women had regarding your gifts. To me PMS only stood for Positive Mental State and I enjoyed being female and all that came with it.

BUT it now appears that you had simply overlooked me and have now sought to correct that oversight. I do not need headaches, bloating or cramps..NOT now so unless you want an all out war BACK OFF!

Your Loving Earth Daughter

All On A Winter's Day

We received our first snow of the season that required any effort and with the dramatic drop in temperature from the mid 50's down to the teens, I expect that it will last for a few days. Thankfully I do not have many reasons to venture out in this so I can sit back and just enjoy the view.

No Passengers Allowed

When I was first out of school and into the workforce I found that I "needed" a car. I took $300 cash to the dealer and asked him what I could get for that amount. I drove home with a big white Pontiac that was soon dubbed "White Trash". WT served me well, never failing to start especially during the cold of Wisconsin winters and could plow through snow like a 4-wheel drive. WT had some issues; drivers door was wired shut and WT did not like to be shut down..requiring one to lift the hood and give him a whack before the engine would quit...but still he got me where I needed to go. Our Safety Engineer at work had put a sign on the window which declared "No passengers Allowed" (this was done in good fun???) and my dad cringed at every visit when he spied WT. Then came the day that my dad got me a deal on a new car and called to say that he was driving it up that weekend. On Friday night I drove home, pulled into the driveway and imagine my surprise when WT stopped, no whack needed..and refused to start again. Did I crush his heart? So sorry my love...

Carbone Cancer Center

Yesterday I met with the doctors and staff at Carbone and was very impressed, not only with their knowledge, but with their understanding that each patient is more than a bar code on a wristband. As I went through each process during the 8-hour day I was asked about me, the person not the patient, and at the end of the day staff members felt like new friends who were in this with me.

The plan for now is to undergo robotic surgery on 2/20 and my lead surgeon is considered to be one of the best in the field. In the meantime I have a few things that I have been assigned to get accomplished. #1 Lose some weight as the surgery is more successful with patient with minimum body fat., #2 Get my RBC back up within normal range. So it looks like my big word for the next month is diet.