Dreams

Lately I have been having a series of strange dreams..or at least the parts that I can remember are strange. They have no apparent connection to my real world and I wake with a start from them.

Dream #1 had me riding in a car, going at a high speed when suddenly the car plunges over a cliff and I am thrown from the vehicle and I awaken as I am airborne.

Dream #2 in this dream I am riding in a horse-drawn carriage that tips as it goes around a curve and I awaken just as the carriage is rolling.

Dream #3 I am walking along a wooded path when suddenly the wind picks up and then there is a loud roll of thunder and lightening flashes quite near. I wake up just as it strikes near me.

The one theme that all have in common seems to be a sense of danger so I suppose this might have something to do with anxiety over the approaching surgery.

The endless testing prior to surgery and the delays I am sure have increased that anxiety. When your doctor starts showing some concerns it is only natural to mirror some of that even if it is only while sleeping.

Test and More Test

Yesterday was a day of test and still more test at UW Hospital. My arm is black and blue from all of the poking done in the hematology department. I did a stress test in cardiology and I know I flunked that one as I barely made five minutes on the treadmill before they stopped the test. I am sure that lack of sleep the night before had something to do with that and it will be repeated prior to surgery. There was another pelvic exam..oh so much fun! Dr K explained to me that because I have a "tipped" uterus that will make the procedure a little trickier but still well within his comfort zone.

Seeing the image of what is meant by "tipped" helps me understand why all of my pregnancies resulted in back labor.


Next week I will be having an MRI and more blood work done. The $ meter keeps right on ticking away with the "not covered" just over $8000 plus whatever will not be covered from the most recent testing.

A Letter To Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

I appreciate the fact that you allowed me to have so many years free of all the "bad stuff" that you are prone to throw at the human female. While I was unhappy with the late "blooming", I was somewhat prideful in that I did not have the complaints that other women had regarding your gifts. To me PMS only stood for Positive Mental State and I enjoyed being female and all that came with it.

BUT it now appears that you had simply overlooked me and have now sought to correct that oversight. I do not need headaches, bloating or cramps..NOT now so unless you want an all out war BACK OFF!

Your Loving Earth Daughter

All On A Winter's Day

We received our first snow of the season that required any effort and with the dramatic drop in temperature from the mid 50's down to the teens, I expect that it will last for a few days. Thankfully I do not have many reasons to venture out in this so I can sit back and just enjoy the view.

No Passengers Allowed

When I was first out of school and into the workforce I found that I "needed" a car. I took $300 cash to the dealer and asked him what I could get for that amount. I drove home with a big white Pontiac that was soon dubbed "White Trash". WT served me well, never failing to start especially during the cold of Wisconsin winters and could plow through snow like a 4-wheel drive. WT had some issues; drivers door was wired shut and WT did not like to be shut down..requiring one to lift the hood and give him a whack before the engine would quit...but still he got me where I needed to go. Our Safety Engineer at work had put a sign on the window which declared "No passengers Allowed" (this was done in good fun???) and my dad cringed at every visit when he spied WT. Then came the day that my dad got me a deal on a new car and called to say that he was driving it up that weekend. On Friday night I drove home, pulled into the driveway and imagine my surprise when WT stopped, no whack needed..and refused to start again. Did I crush his heart? So sorry my love...

Carbone Cancer Center

Yesterday I met with the doctors and staff at Carbone and was very impressed, not only with their knowledge, but with their understanding that each patient is more than a bar code on a wristband. As I went through each process during the 8-hour day I was asked about me, the person not the patient, and at the end of the day staff members felt like new friends who were in this with me.

The plan for now is to undergo robotic surgery on 2/20 and my lead surgeon is considered to be one of the best in the field. In the meantime I have a few things that I have been assigned to get accomplished. #1 Lose some weight as the surgery is more successful with patient with minimum body fat., #2 Get my RBC back up within normal range. So it looks like my big word for the next month is diet.

No Regrets

I have added a new item to my bucket list.As some of you know I was recently hospitalized due to massive bleeding. As a result of that it was discovered that I have endometrial cancer. On 1/11, I will be going to the Carbone Cancer Center at UW Hospital to meet with the team of oncologist that will be working with me.. At that time they will determine staging and the treatment options. The doctors at Carbone have a great reputation and I am going into this with full confidence and will do whatever it takes and worry about how to finance it later. There is no price tag that I can place on wanting to live out a healthy life with my family and friends.

And while I do not think that doctors are gods, (sorry JJ) I do believe that a mighty hand guides them as they work and I am a believer in the power of prayer. I hope you will keep me in your thought and prayers and I will use this as a challenge to strike some things off of my bucket list. #1 Kick the hell our of cancer!

Keitel

Yesterday our loving and wonderful K-9 companion left this world and I do hope that all dogs do go to Heaven. Keitel was an older dog but had been in relative good health (stiff joints) until late August when he suddenly lost the use of his hind legs due to a genetic spinal problem. His legs moved (dreams still resulting in "running" legs) but he no longer had the strength in the hips. Surgery was considered but the cost was high and the odds of getting a lot of function back was slim.

He became confined to pillows in my "office" where he could watch me and the world. His daily excursions outdoors meant that he had to carried out and then "wheel-barrowed" about until he was ready to return indoors. A wheelchair was obtained but he just did not take to it and both human and dog were getting frustrated and stressed and finally the decision that we had been dreading was made.

It is amazing how attached to an animal you can become and as I sat in the living room, reading last night, I found myself frequently looking toward the door to this room to see if he was okay or listening for him. There will always be a lot of good memories and those will have to comfort us.

Falling Leaves

It seems like forever since I last wrote but the weather has just been begging me to simply enjoy. We had a beautiful "Indian" summer with temperatures in the 80's. Now things are getting back to the more seasonal 60-70 range. There is not much in the way of seasonal color around my house. The leaves just seem to slowly feel the season change and drop one by one to the ground while across the street are trees flaunting beautiful colors. The shores of the four lakes are also displaying their colors in farewell.

Am I Not A Man by Mark Shurtleff

I recently received a copy of Am I Not A Man, The Dred Scott Story for review. While the story itself is an interesting piece of our country's history, this telling of it was ponderous and I found my mind wandering as I read. Once into the actual trial upon which the Dred Scott Decision was made, I found it good read but it took quite a bit of determined reading to get me to that point. I am sure there are many history buff who would enjoy the back and forth stories about the families involved in Dred Scott's life but, alas, I am not one of them.

The President of the United States is the head of state and head of government of the United States. The president leads the executive branch of the federal government and is the commander-in-chief of the United States Armed Forces.

Article II of the U.S. Constitution vests the executive power of the United States in the president and charges him with the execution of federal law, alongside the responsibility of appointing federal executive, diplomatic, regulatory, and judicial officers, and concluding treaties with foreign powers, with the advice and consent of the Senate. The president is further empowered to grant federal pardons and reprieves, and to convene and adjourn either or both houses of Congress under extraordinary circumstances.[5] Since the founding of the United States, the power of the president and the federal government have grown substantially[6] and each modern president, despite possessing no formal legislative powers beyond signing or vetoing congressionally passed bills, is largely responsible for dictating the legislative agenda of his party and the foreign and domestic policy of the United States.[7] The president is frequently described as the most powerful person in the world.(Wikipedia)


President Barack Obama declared Thursday: "There is nothing wrong with our country. There is something wrong with our politics."

"They look at what's happening in Washington and they think these folks are really from outer space because they don't seem to understand how critical it is for us all to work together, Republicans, Democrats, independents, in order to move this country forward,"

"We're going to have to get engaged and we're going to have to speak out," Obama said. "We're going to have to register the fact that we expect more and we expect better."

Unfortunately what we've seen in Washington in the last few months has been the worst kind of partisanship, the worst kind of gridlock, and that gridlock has undermined public confidence and impeded our efforts to take the steps we need for our economy,"

"You've got to tell them you've had enough of the theatrics, you've had enough of the politics, stop sending out press releases. Start passing some bills that we all know will help the economy right now," he said. "That's what they need to do. They've got to hear from you."

It is time for the People to remember that it is not the President who passes the laws. He can make recommendations but it is up to Congress to act upon these recommendation or to pass their own agenda. When Congress is controlled by an opposing party it is almost impossible for a President to get his agenda enacted unless the voters who elected him stand up to their congressional representatives and tell them to listen to that agenda and act.

“Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.” Plato

The Big C

After weeks of worrying and internet search of my symptons, I gave in to a friend's plea and went to see a doctor. After about 6 hours of testing which included a pelvic ultra-sound (uterine wall 10X thicker than norm), She scheduled me for a biopsy. During the procedure, the doctor performing the biopsy kept up a rapid converation about everything from weather to travel, peppering this converasation with comments such as "now this might hurt just a little" and "remember you are in control". She had to do the procedure twice as the first time there was not enough tissue captured for the pathologist. Afterwards I was given the usual post-procedure instructions about pain management and when to seek help for any complications. I was told not to start worrying and that I should have results in less than a week.

Now how does one go home and not worry..once again my fingers starting doing the internet "walk" on all possible reasons for the syomptoms and while there were many other than cancer, it is difficult to wait for the results without having a Big C scenario playing in your head

How hot is it?

Your GPS will only give you directions north.

I am not a winter person so the summer months are my favorite season...no large utility bill for heat as Mother Nature can take care of the task but with
temperatures close to triple-digit over the last few days I have become a reluctant user of AC. I have tried tricks like getting the house to just the right comfort level, closing doors, drawing blinds and then turning off the AC until my dog starts panting which is the signal to turn the AC back on for awhile.

My outdoor activity is limited but I enjoy the feel of the warm deck on my bare feet as I water my "pot" garden and delight in how the plants have responded to the heat and humidity with rapid growth. Yesterday, just for the fun of it, I decided to give my house a bath and hosed it down from top to bottom and like a little kid enjoyed the back spray.

My one worry with this heat is for the fledgling bird that still nests under my front porch canopy. I imagine that the heat up there must be intense but whenever I check his little head can be seen peaking from the nest.

The weather has also given the area some interesting cloud formations that seem to speak of heat as well.

No Strings Attached

No strings attached...sounds good...sounds too good to be true and it usually is too good to be true. This is the case when those words are applied to a relationship.. We all want something from a relationship so that in itself means there are strings. What are these "strings"?

Love - Well, lets face it, a relationship without love, is kind of abysmal.
Romance - Romance adds the butterflies in the stomach, even to regular activities.
Respect - If two people don't respect each other, co-existence is near impossible.
Passion - Having passion in a relationship is like having salt in a recipe. Without it, there will be color, but no taste.
Empathy - Empathy is very important in a relationship. Lack of empathy would render the relationship abusive.
Understanding - It is important to be able to understand each other. It is through understanding that a connection develops, and respect and love can be discovered.
Acceptance - If you are in a relationship with a person, you need to accept him/her for what he/she is. If you have it in the back of your mind that you will eventually change him, then the relationship will not work out.
Friendship - Basically, in a relationship, you need to be able to laugh at each other, cry with each other and yell at each other. Who better to do that than a friend?

Winter Solistice

This year the winter solstice (shorted day/longest night) will occur on 12/21 at 23:38 GMT. It last for just a moment but is celebrated as the turning point from autumn to winter.  In reality it is simply the point in time when the earth's  tilt is the furthest from the sun. In some areas of the world this does not bring the winter season as the begining  and ending of a season has no basis in science but is determined by the cultural calendar. In some cultures, winter begins on Novemeber 1 and spring takes over on February 1. In my world winter begins on December 21/22  and ends on March 21/22 even if Mother Nature tries to spread her love of cold and snow to two other seasons.

Stop The Walker Power Grab!

Reversible Skirt...A Memoir by Laura McHale Holland

The author has put forth a gripping tale of her family history. When Laura was a toddler, her mother, Mary Agnes, committed suicide. Her father, in order to keep his family together, remarries quickly, bringing the new wife home and telling his three young daughters simply that this is their mother. The confusion in the minds of these young girls is exacerbated by the unthinking cruelty of their "mother". The reader is drawn into the story as along with the children, you look for some reason behind all that is happening and keep hoping that there will be a fairy-tale ending to this wicked stepmother tale.

Havasu Means Blue Water by Ivory Simone

I recently read the above book by Ms Simone. The story is an interesting tale centered around a young woman's work on her Master's Thesis and the topic of which is centered around the death by mob of a young black woman. (The character refers to it as a lynching but as the story relates it is an actual shooting that causes the death.)I was intrigued by the beginning of the story which is set in a school and our "heroine" is a teacher who encounters a troubled and troubling student but then the reader is thrown to another setting for the character. This erratic style of story telling makes one prone to setting the book aside often but if one can continue to read a story does finally evolve that is worth reading.

Friends With Benefits

Recently two of my Facebook friends used the term "friends with benefits". There is a current usage of this term that has a sexual connotation but I started thinking about the people that I have met over the years and those that became friends were a direct result of the "benefits" that we could offer each other.

Studies have shown that people with friends are more likely to survive a serious illness than those without friends. Stress is more manageable when you can talk to friends. People who interact with others, face to face, by phone, mail/e-mail, via social networks tend to live longer and healthier lives.

A good friend is more likely to point out health concerns and persuade you to seek medical assistance when you might be reluctant. Friends can help you kick bad habits, maintain that diet, get exercise, and get involved in other activities that keep you young at heart. Research has shown that having a diverse group of friends can boost resistance to many viral infections.

Loneliness feeds on itself. The more you stay by yourself the more anxious one becomes in social settings. This is a major issue among the elderly who have outlived many of those that were close to them. Losing ones spouse/partner after retiring and relocating can be more difficult when there are not friend to turn to for comfort and for providing the encouragement needed to get back into living your life.

It is important to maintain or renew contact with friends/family who can serve as links to your own history.

Friends can make us laugh when we are feeling low.They can give us courage when facing a life changing decision. Friends can make us feel invincible to life's blows and enable to see them as temporary setbacks.

Friends can give us the confidence to dream and to strive toward making those dreams reality. Friends lighten our day with humor. Give us honest answers to tough questions about ourselves. Friends give us a shoulder to lean on when needed, help us to dry our tears. We can share embarrassing secrets with our friends.

So do I have friends with benefits? The answer is yes!

PETITION: 250,000 strong to tell Boehner and Republicans not to end Medicare

PETITION: 250,000 strong to tell Boehner and Republicans not to end Medicare: "PETITION: 250,000 strong to tell Boehner and Republicans not to end Medicare: http://dccc.org/medicare"